Thursday, February 28, 2013

Strongman Eve

I hate Winter, specifically January and February.  I hate those two months as much as any warm blooded southern man could.  So, I'm going to start a couple of new holidays called "Strongman Eve" and "Strongman New Year" to celebrate the end of the very worst months of the calendar. 

From here on out "Strongman Eve" will be the last day of February and "Strongman New Year" will be the first day of March. 

Why do I hate January and February you ask? Ok I'll tell you.

Let's begin with January.  Christmas is over and the socks and underwear you got don't fit as well as you had hoped... It is generally too cold to do anything enjoyable in the form of outdoor recreation and the only thing there is to celebrate is the fact that you have managed to reach a new wrist-slitting low in post holiday depression thanks to a severe lack of sunlight and vitamin D.  And generally by the time you work up a healthy motivation to train and get serious under the bar you come down with strep throat or an upper respiratory infection or the flu, and you find yourself starring in the bathroom mirror between vomitous outbursts questioning everything about your life and wishing the broken capillaries around your eyes were made from a personal best deadlift rather than the rocking ab workout you just got wretching everything you've eaten since thanksgiving into the commode (oatmeal when I'm sick, great choice). Oh, and don't forget the pus pockets on the sides of your throat . Happy January! Hope that 103°F fever is treating you well let me know when the hallucinations start!

Then, when your broken, beat down, rented mule of a will power has left all your New Year's Resolutions in the trash can, along comes February to pour a little salt in the wound. 

February is just January's older unemployed, emo, drug addict brother who's only job is to make sure your life is a comedy of errors and your every effort to obtain a goal is sabotaged. Your knees and low back hurt with such chronic agony you find yourself grinding 135lb. squats in your warmups. Oh, And there's more good news... it's raining (at least in my part of the world, how do you snow people do it?) every day... all the time... no matter where you go, even inside a little...  Now every effort to do anything in the comfort of dry warm clothing has been utterly abolished and your feet are perpetually damp as you change into your lifting shoes for your next set of push presses with 115lbs. because you hurt your shoulder in January bracing yourself over the toilet while you were vomiting...

Oh! And all that sinus drainage? Yeah.... It's in your chest now... And by about rep five on a set of anything you are wheezing like you've been double fisting cigarettes since you started kindergarten. Woo Hoo! Where's my inhaler?  

And the sun never shines, and there is no good television, and all you want is the ocean, a sunburn and some fried shrimp...  So that is February.  It's one big coffee spill on the white dress shirt that is the calendar year...

But now they're over.

And the "Strongman New Year" is beginning.  Spring break, sunlight, vitamin D, green grass, and everything you love about training.  Will it still be cold? Yes. But is there hope for the outdoor bound strength seeker in March? You bet. And it's only going to get better...

Magnus Ver Magnusson going over the rules tonight before the Arnold Strongman Classic tomorrow
photo courtesy of Arnold Strongman on Twitter

I don't know, maybe I'm just excited about the Arnold Strongman Classic starting tomorrow, or maybe it's my Alabama pride after watching Ray "Cornbread and Buttermilk" Williams break National records in his second powerlifting meet of his life... But there is something in the air today, and it smells like sweat, 45lb. plates and chalk.  

So I'm calling it. The new year for strength athletes is March 1st.  Happy Strongman Eve everyone...

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